Just how much flippin JOY can you take?

You will deeply feel that the greater
your ecstasy, your pleasure, and your joy
the more you contribute to the world.
~william reich

I'm so amused at what a paradoxical world we live in. We want to be happy, but somehow it is unbelievably uncomfortable to us to hold for long periods of time. It's like being bummed out has to come in and break up the joy in our lives for us to feel normal. Where did this come from? We are so unaccustomed to feeling amazing and holding that feeling, that I think we actually set out to find things that will bring us down, it's like our blanket, what we know, what seems to be right.

I know that I used to totally {unknowingly} sabotage my own relationship by having this little nagging limiting belief that when things were going super great, it couldn't last. And as soon as I spoke of it or settled into that feeling of pure joy and love, the other shoe would fall and it'd be all over. And whatta ya know? It happened every time, like clockwork. The funny thing is, in the midst of this, and being asleep in my life and just letting these things roll this way, I felt normal. I could whine to my friends and they would understand and say "Yes, totally, I know what you mean!" Back when I worked at the hospital, my coworkers and I would spend the first part of our mornings getting coffee and going over all kinds of things that sucked about our lives.

This makes me totally laugh now. I love the turn my life has taken. I love understanding the way things really work now, and that I am in control of everything. Every single thing that happens in my life is mine to own. And I have to say, the hardest thing--still--is holding the happy thoughts and pure joyful feelings for long periods of time. But what I love is that I am changing that day by day, moment by moment, by being aware.

When I first started waking up to my life, I felt it most at work. The uncomfortable feeling in my gut that I was now becoming so attuned to. And I started saying to myself over and over love.joy.peace. in my head when I would feel icky and people would start gossiping or talking about being miserable, perpetuating the negative cycle. I started writing those words over and over in my notebook at meetings instead of taking notes. When I quit, not long after, my manager said she knew, she could feel it because I had been separating myself and not joining in any more. I love that somewhere inside of me, I just knew. I knew the words to say over and over to get my head out of the usual crap thoughts that unconsciously run through it all day. It was my first step.

I began saying that in my head when my husband and I would get into a trivial argument over nothing. They are always over nothing. Very soon after starting this, he began to change as well. I'm so lucky to have a man who is intuitive, and our personal expansion seems to benefit us both, even before we are able to put it into words and talk it out. This is not to say that it was all peaches and cream, it wasn't. I was changing so quickly, that he was knocked off balance at first. He was unsure what all of this meant, I was completely changing our lives together.

But I stuck with it, I would say "Why does this scare you so much? I am not doing anything wrong, I am just being more loving and positive." and this would stop him. The part that scared him the most, I think, was that I was becoming a sovereign being, independent, striving for myself and everyone to be free, and allowing everyone else to be who they are as well. He took this to mean that I was separating myself from him and our relationship, but I wasn't. I was just redefining it for myself. It was something I had to do, and he could join me or not; but I would really, really love it if he did. And we grew together, stronger, better, much more open and into unconditional love. Or at least that is what we aim for on a daily basis. And it feels great, I highly recommend it. Even as scary as it is in the beginning.

Peace Love Joy - this is where I live now, Why don't you join me? Tell me, just how much flippin JOY can you handle? :)

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