shine your light.

Inspire is my word today. I love that word, it feels so good. To inspire is to be inspired. I see so many people around me opening up and making big changes in their lives. It is amazing how people are coming into their truth, as if it can no longer be contained. It is fantastically inspiring.

I know for me, I am feeling very clear. I feel like a cup overflowing with feeling, and I know that is what I am here to share. Let it spill out of all of you, your truth and wisdom and love. It's all one, just as we are all one. Ride the wave, the water beneath us always supports us. It's that simple, don't fight the natural flow of your life, hook into it.

I feel like NOW is the time to make some bold choices in our lives, to feel your way, to get clear inside. Love yourself. And then make choices that really matter. That are authentic, that speak to your heart. Think big, see the big picture, it is no longer time for small choices. In 10 years, where do you want to be? Who do you want to be? Be brave, surrender to who you are, step forward.

We are all in this together, making choices in our lives that affect the others around us. Let's hold hands and take the leap together.

love ... it really is the answer. that i know for sure.

trust. LOVE.

❤

I finally got it. It's funny - what you are looking for is always right in front of you. I am here to guide people to feeling love. The clearer I become internally in who I am, the more the frequency of love pours through me like water. I am so grateful for everything that is coming to me now. I am flowing in my knowing. I am love. I will be a beacon for love.

❤

my journey~it is always taking place.

This morning during my blissful meditation, I was wanting to know what it is I am supposed to be doing and my inner voice said to me "take my hand, we will go on a journey today." That felt so wonderful, so peaceful and calming. And we took a walk through all kinds of beautiful gardens, wildflower fields, beaches. My heart filled up with the simple glory of our world. And then we travel to even more fanciful places that held unicorns and crystal buildings, and succulent fruit trees and vegetable gardens, and colorful flowering trees with faeries all over them like bees. The Universe is mine to see. Mine to play with, mine to interact with as I please. What an enchanting gift.

That gift is all of ours, it is our magic. We paint the picture with our imaginations before it ever shows up on this screen we are living in now. It's so sweet to see things this way. Today that has really become so clear, that everything is a droplet of golden light: perfection. I take everything as it comes to me knowing that it is supposed to be exactly this way, and then it is easy to merrily interact with it. Everything is good :) It really is. That thought just makes the smile never want to leave my face; I'm walking around with a permaplastered gleeful grin!

And so, I keep hearing from my inner self and guides and angels to stay looking within. The answers are not without, as I have been reaching for {in desperation}. I am just feeling so close to knowing, to popping out with my dream, that I am wanting to leap on that. I am looking everywhere for it. But softly, lovingly, with amusement, they wait. And when I am calm, the love fills me, and I know. I know that everything is okay, it's just what it's supposed to be right now. No need to push for anything, because everything that IS happening IS part of my dream. I am a mother, a friend, a wife, a lover, a sister, a daughter, a teacher, a guide. I am doing it all just as I am, I am affecting more than I even know just by being authentic and real and sharing that from my depths, from my soul. I am letting my heart guide me, and when I try to take over with want, it clogs up. "Unclog, sweetheart," I hear. Take my hand and see the journey today, it is yours. And it is a very, very beautiful thing.

a dream is a wish my heart makes

One regret, dear world,
that I am determined not to have
when I am lying on my death bed
is that I did not kiss you enough.
~ Hafiz

Excitement❤Exhilaration❤Experimentation❤Enthusiasm

I feel such love bubbling up in my belly! I just feel sooo strongly that THIS is a huge transformation year. That this, right now, is going to spill outward and create everything I dream of for my life. I am the dreamer AND the dream.

I love how my appreciation just grows inside of me and spreads out in tears and laughter and little nuggets to others. I know in my soul that this is what I am here to do - to share myself in my most loving and creative way with the world. I am on the doorstep of seeing just how this is going to work and come about. I trust with everything that I am that it will keep coming to me the way it has been and that I will be doing it before the end of this year and living my fullest dreams and making more.

I know that I have a unique gift. It is close, because I feel it bubbling up - reaching out, taking on a life of its own, swirling above me ready for me to tap into the right experiment that makes it come to fruition.

Inside of me I feel like Spring. Basking in the sunshine, feet in the earth taking root, drinking water becoming clear and reaching for the sky.

It takes a lot of courage to release
the familiar and seemingly secure,
to embrace the new.
But there is no real security in what
is no longer meaningful.
There is more security in
the adventurous and exciting,
for in movement there is life,
and in change there is power.
- Alan Cohen

i love my magical life.

I am giddy today! SOOooo joyful. So peaceful, calm & knowing. It's like *pop* everything has come into focus. The feeling inside of my belly is ME, it's what guides me, it is my zero point, my connection to god. I am so settled in that. What do I really know about anything? What do I know about what's right or wrong for me, or for anyone else? Nothing, I release it all. And that feels like sacred truth. Freedom. Trust.

And the veil fades away, little by little. Sunshine shining into my soul.

I can see my life unfolding, wrapped in wonderous gifts. I am so grateful for all of them. For everyone I am surrounding myself with right now, for everything that is coming into my life effortlessly. It feels precious in my hands, all of it. Today, it's just so clear that everything, every sngle thing, is the way it's supposed to be. This is the feeling of bliss. This is why we are alive.

I look out my window and see the wind blow through the trees. Green swaying in a wave. I wave back. My trees are so loving and gentle, so healing. I have noticed how much they are growing all of a sudden. Yes, it's Spring, but this is growth is from our exchange of love, I know it. I admire how they bend and sway even as something else is pushing them. The don't push back, they just go with it. They dance. I will dance too.

My word today is Playful/Childlike. It made me chuckle when I got it. Sweet bubbles of laughter during meditation, seeing Buddha, smiling so joyously. Egging me on, to giggle with him and All That Is, to shine glee upon everyone and everything I see and do today. To dance in the courtyard, to shoot dolphin arrows at everyone I see, to blow bubbles with the kidlets, to have a tea party, to play on the beach, to get out the candles & light them for no reason other than to blow them out in celebration of this very day.

Today, I am holding hands with the Universe, and finally, finally honestly savoring what is. It really IS the journey that matters. Each step in the mud, each cleansing shower, each rainbow reached, all of it is me. And the feeling in my belly is not being held back anymore.

I love my magical life.

Just how much flippin JOY can you take?

You will deeply feel that the greater
your ecstasy, your pleasure, and your joy
the more you contribute to the world.
~william reich

I'm so amused at what a paradoxical world we live in. We want to be happy, but somehow it is unbelievably uncomfortable to us to hold for long periods of time. It's like being bummed out has to come in and break up the joy in our lives for us to feel normal. Where did this come from? We are so unaccustomed to feeling amazing and holding that feeling, that I think we actually set out to find things that will bring us down, it's like our blanket, what we know, what seems to be right.

I know that I used to totally {unknowingly} sabotage my own relationship by having this little nagging limiting belief that when things were going super great, it couldn't last. And as soon as I spoke of it or settled into that feeling of pure joy and love, the other shoe would fall and it'd be all over. And whatta ya know? It happened every time, like clockwork. The funny thing is, in the midst of this, and being asleep in my life and just letting these things roll this way, I felt normal. I could whine to my friends and they would understand and say "Yes, totally, I know what you mean!" Back when I worked at the hospital, my coworkers and I would spend the first part of our mornings getting coffee and going over all kinds of things that sucked about our lives.

This makes me totally laugh now. I love the turn my life has taken. I love understanding the way things really work now, and that I am in control of everything. Every single thing that happens in my life is mine to own. And I have to say, the hardest thing--still--is holding the happy thoughts and pure joyful feelings for long periods of time. But what I love is that I am changing that day by day, moment by moment, by being aware.

When I first started waking up to my life, I felt it most at work. The uncomfortable feeling in my gut that I was now becoming so attuned to. And I started saying to myself over and over love.joy.peace. in my head when I would feel icky and people would start gossiping or talking about being miserable, perpetuating the negative cycle. I started writing those words over and over in my notebook at meetings instead of taking notes. When I quit, not long after, my manager said she knew, she could feel it because I had been separating myself and not joining in any more. I love that somewhere inside of me, I just knew. I knew the words to say over and over to get my head out of the usual crap thoughts that unconsciously run through it all day. It was my first step.

I began saying that in my head when my husband and I would get into a trivial argument over nothing. They are always over nothing. Very soon after starting this, he began to change as well. I'm so lucky to have a man who is intuitive, and our personal expansion seems to benefit us both, even before we are able to put it into words and talk it out. This is not to say that it was all peaches and cream, it wasn't. I was changing so quickly, that he was knocked off balance at first. He was unsure what all of this meant, I was completely changing our lives together.

But I stuck with it, I would say "Why does this scare you so much? I am not doing anything wrong, I am just being more loving and positive." and this would stop him. The part that scared him the most, I think, was that I was becoming a sovereign being, independent, striving for myself and everyone to be free, and allowing everyone else to be who they are as well. He took this to mean that I was separating myself from him and our relationship, but I wasn't. I was just redefining it for myself. It was something I had to do, and he could join me or not; but I would really, really love it if he did. And we grew together, stronger, better, much more open and into unconditional love. Or at least that is what we aim for on a daily basis. And it feels great, I highly recommend it. Even as scary as it is in the beginning.

Peace Love Joy - this is where I live now, Why don't you join me? Tell me, just how much flippin JOY can you handle? :)

❤

my true heart.

I have been so sleepy lately. Wrapped in a soft haze of peacefulness that keeps calling me back inward. And so I go. I fall into it. I hear and feel that it is okay, this is what I need in this moment or I wouldn't be doing it. I never sleep this much, my mind retorts back. And yet, my loving inner self takes over, and I let go.

I suppose this is a metaphor for my life. I am letting go and my inner self is taking over more and more and I love it. So much. Yesterday, I felt frustrated about Chuck and my mother in law, but very quickly, I was like "why?" and so I let it go, and instead I told him I wasn't mad, that I loved him, and at dinner we talked a little about it and then laid together afterward. It's so funny how our minds want to take us to a place in the past or future and trick us into not completely loving this moment, right now. The one where he is here with me, flowing his beautiful strong love onto me the way only he can, infiltrating every cell of my being, making me sink into love and comfort and joy. I am grateful that I didn't miss that moment. I am grateful that I didn't stay upset and let us both get pulled into that vortex of anger and fighting the way we used to. It was our dance, we feed so easily off of each other's emotions, and it was fiery and passionate and hot, but it was not good for our hearts. We both came to that conclusion together, thank god. We both understood that love doesn't need to be a rollercoaster to feel good. Love IS feeling good. It is self-contained beauty. I am so grateful that we are there now, together. True soul mates, pushing each other in this life to be better, to understand the truth, to keep expanding. We are now expanding in mostly the positive frequencies and that makes life so delicious. So marvelous. Thank you.

***

Yesterday, I was talking to my mastermind group of three. And they could see my grandaughter around me, whom I feel often. They both said that she was pulling on my leg, and leading me out a doorway into bright light. While they were telling me their visions of her--which match mine, and they actually got the name I call her: Lilli. And one of them said 'Lillibell', and I said I could totally see myself calling her Lillibell--and then, I could hear her tell me "Come, Titi, come this way. Step into the light." One of them thought the light was me, to step into my own brightness. The other thought it may be something through the light that I am supposed to see, that may guide me to what it is I am supposed to do, since I am focusing on my Heart's Desire lately. I don't know ... I did go out into the courtyard to see if actually going through the door would tell me anything. The wind was blowing strongly yesterday, knocking on the walls as we had our threesome conversation. It was wild, like all three of us seeing her at the same time was making it more & more real. So as I stepped outside into the light and the wind, all these little white petals started swirling around me. Petals from the magnolia outside the front door. Isabel Tree. zing - Lillibell and Isabel are connected! I think they may be the same essence. How precious that she is going to come back to us through one of my daughters! I thought. Tears easily came as I stood there letting the feeling engulf me. Understanding this connection. Of course she is strong around me, she is my forever baby. Amazing, such a miracle.

That made me stop pushing for more. It made it clear that everything is perfect, the timing is divine. These are lessons I learned so easily after Isabel died, in deep grief, you are in this space of not being fully here. A piece of me left with her, just as a piece of her stayed with me. Connected, always in love. The colors changed around me then. I saw things anew, as if through a baby's eyes. I went through the winter in a haze, but as Spring came that year, everything looked so different to me. Yesterday, surrounded by the flurry of Isabel Tree's blossoms, I felt that swirling feeling again of deep sure inner calmness, the knowing that this life is so precious so perfectly timed and orchestrated. That there is a time for everything under heaven. That we are ALL precious perfect little pieces of heaven. That everything around us is magical, speaking softly. Are we still enough to hear? Or rushing on for the next thing? It was so clear in that wind, in the bright light that comes with wind through the trees, that being still and quiet and calm will bring me everything I've ever wanted. Because it lives within, always.

Because it is love. Everything happens bathed in love.

My daughter, whom I held in my arms only for a few hours, has lived lifetimes with me in the 11 years that have passed. She is my guiding angel, she spins magic around her daddy and I, and her siblings. How blessed am I to have held and angel? And to have the knowing inside of me that understands what that means, and that she lives on, and that she is still with me and can come back here too, when it is right.

I know what she is tugging me towards is this life, this calmness, this knowing that I am spreading outward to my daughters now. We are making the life that will be perfect for when she is to be born. Because she is very powerful and magical and we will need to be in that space too.

Thank you, angel. For birthing me when I birthed you. Entwined forever in the golden thread of love that never ends, even though this physical life does. You showed me this so clearly, and now I know I must share that, and live it fully.

And so it is.
❤

words fail.

my writing here has been non-existent. i know it. i can't seem to put the words onto the screen like i do when i write with my pens into my journal pages. but my heart has been exploding lately. it has, and i am unable to express it with words here.

it's all about feeling. feeling and being in the moment. how do you convey those things accurately? ahhh, i wish i were a fabulous writer who could do just that; capture the hazy magical moments that seem to never end. bring my journey into focus. but it feels almost sacred. naked, pure.

what i can write is that i am spreading my wings, finding my way, being as authentic as i can be. finding new ways to grow and be fulfilled. my life is expanding, and i'm turning my fears into excitement, breathing life into them. and looking forward while loving what is.

❤