my journal from this morning:

i can check one thing off my list from yesterday ... i made fudge and snickerdoodles. mmm. i am following my feelings about cooking and eating and feeling good about it, but i have been feeling for a while now, that in my near future is some kind of cleanse/fast/detox for my body. i keep getting messages on it lately, so i know it's close now. i know this time now is part of the internal preparation i need to go through before i start this. it's scary, but exciting all at the same time.

i love the bowl that the cookies are in. i painted it. Muffy painted the mug behind it that says everything is connected in the great circle of life. i love it. i miss painting cups & dishes ... we used to do it on Isabel's birthday. maybe this year, it's time to do it again. i never know what we'll do until we wake up that morning, and do it. see the gifts she gave me?

...a week from tomorrow...

it's like a whisper in the back of my mind. i hear it like a drum in my heart. it starts out quiet and becomes louder. the beat of love that only Isabel holds there. the secrets come to me in my sleep again. she is the child of my dreams and i hold that space sacred, a place where she and i share the love that a mother and daughter should. my husband mentions her too, i know his own heart is whispering to him as well. the imprint of time is strong here, it overlaps easily from January to January, folded as if there is no lapse. the link is love. it's always been love. i hear you, baby. i say. i close my eyes.

and i let it come.

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