each moment a gift.

our stories test our strength~inner and outer. what is my story? i am ready to live it! i am open to receiving it and letting go of the resistance. to move through the fear. to take not the easy path, but the one that makes you walk through the fire to get to the other side. and to deeply feel everything along the way. each moment a gift. i want to have courage, to do something that scares me every day. to push my own limits and bring positivity and love to those around me. i want to embrace the magic, the glittery stardust that surrounds me. i know i am lucky, i am blessed, and i believe. i believe.

life itself can be scary because we can not control it. we only have power in our choices. in what we do, what we say, how we act. we can quiet our minds of the useless, negative chatter and replace it with thoughts that resonate with our souls. that make our hearts leap. what we think and feel matters.

but life itself swirls in its own way, bringing positive and negative turns that we seldom see coming. things will always keep happening around us and to us, it's movement; the movement of life here on earth. it's freeing to accept that, to put down our swords and the words we curse against it. to let it be what it is and trust.

what really matters is what is within. is it a steady calm stream inside? or is it a raging river, winding and turning? churning up rocks and sediment creating an even harder path, or maybe even ending up in quick sand? when we let go and surrender, there is power in that. a quiet power, and we feel the waves subside. we feel the ease of movement, we hear our heart beat and feel our breath. we are steadied by a deep inner peace, a trust so full of knowing that there is no question. All Is Well is whispered within our soul and pumped through our veins.

the blizzard may still be going on around us, outside the tornado blows. but within we see the beauty of the storm, and we are able to see the eye in the center that shines so brightly pointing toward something even more amazing than we have ever seen before.

strawberry crepes = true love.

everything looks like love.

on my walk today by the beach,
i was surrounded by birds.
even this picture of the clouds above reminds me
of a flying bird.
so free.
so magical.
so beautiful.

this group of 9 geese
flew straight at me
honking, joining me
in laughter

in flight
a snapshot
of my soul

even when i saw a house
that was magical
and called to me
when i focused in
with the lense
what was there
but more birds!

there is no need
for attachment anymore
it's all about freedom
flying
soaring
reaching for more
letting go
surrender

and then above me
the sky opened up
it smiled at me
with a heart
love
everything looks like love

centering in my heart.

open
i am open
and feeling
reaching inward
flowing outward
from heartspace
in love

this is my year of BEcoming. and i feel like i truly am centering in my heart where it matters. where the change begins. inside. and with me. then everything around me begins to shift too. it's really magical the life we live if you really open your eyes to it all, and FEEL. it's all about the feelings, baby. and love is my magic wand.

i have asked for more friends who understand and live this way too and i got it. i love all of these amazing brilliant bright lights in my life now. i feel totally supported and nourished and as though they give to me as i am giving to them. it's a very thriving expansive way to live!

i have been evaluating the things and people in my life because that sort of happens naturally when you start opening your heart and your eyes to everything around you. for a while now, i have been learning, taking this vision of life in, fully and completely. but now, this year, there has been a definite shift. i don't just talk about it anymore, i am really here, really present, really living it. walking the walk. and the main thing i am doing is staying open. not just talking about wanting to - putting it off somewhere in some imaginary future - but actually doing it. and i feel the connection in my solar plexus in a literal physical way. it is like a zing, the feeling of being on a roller coaster, the feeling of falling in love. it's real, it is Who I Am.

do you know how freeing that is to say? living in my truth. sharing who i really am, the authentic me, the one i was born to be. and i'm excited for what's next.

eleven

11
how is it
possible
that time
has not stopped
like i thought it would
11
years since that moment
our moment
passing each other
in golden light
11
peace
i felt such peace
blissful aura
a melody in time
11
your heart
beat
under mine
in tandem
the rhythm
love
11
is a whisper
in my dreams now
a winged girl child
plays there
on cotton candy snow
free
11
time...
the goodbye we shared
became more of a
hello
than i could ever, ever
have imagined
11
now
your soul
covers mine
blending, swirling
alight
in love
always
♥

every day in every way it's getting better & better...

love sent out

to the people of Haiti

compassion

my girlfriend said today "It's an interesting line when something like this happens. I can see the broader perspective of All is Well, and I know that it is. But I also feel compassion, deep, deep compassion for the people suffering in Haiti. I mean, yes, it's great to have a perspective of All is Well. Of course it is, but I don't ever want to lose my sense of compassion for others in times like these, for without compassion I could not send the amount of love and light that I have been sending."

i so agree. compassion is our glue, our connection. and what i really love is seeing all the people all over the world coming together in this. the love and compassion that is flowing is heartwarming, lifegiving. it's amazing what beauty and light that is bringing to everything. if we we are one, we feel each other's pain. and they can feel the love we send them too, i truly believe in that with my whole heart. and of course there's action: doing & giving whatever you can. this is all planting seeds for the future of all of us.
♥

flowing & swirling

lately i have been painting & drawing a lot of swirls. and feeling the beautiful pulling in and flying back out of the circles. i'm not sure what it means, but it feels good. it makes me dizzy & giddy and flowy.

the word ACTION is big for me lately. i am feeling those bubbles in my belly that are calling me to DO.
what is stirring in me today? i ask myself as i write out the words in my journal.
act on your inspiration. i letter out underneath it.
and then the thought your actions are planting seeds ... they will grow pops out of my pen and doodles of leaves and hearts and flowers and bees and butterflies fill the page.
this is how i journal now, it is very flowy, very colorful, full of depth and texture. sometimes my words get lost in the colors or the swirls. but it feels more creative, more real, more ME than any of the bitching that i used to put into my journals. see? everything outward mirrors what is inward. truly. it seems to happen over night, like magic. it feels free & childlike & very exhiliratingly creative and rich.

my heart is full.
♥

one.eleven.ten

my journal from this morning:

i can check one thing off my list from yesterday ... i made fudge and snickerdoodles. mmm. i am following my feelings about cooking and eating and feeling good about it, but i have been feeling for a while now, that in my near future is some kind of cleanse/fast/detox for my body. i keep getting messages on it lately, so i know it's close now. i know this time now is part of the internal preparation i need to go through before i start this. it's scary, but exciting all at the same time.

i love the bowl that the cookies are in. i painted it. Muffy painted the mug behind it that says everything is connected in the great circle of life. i love it. i miss painting cups & dishes ... we used to do it on Isabel's birthday. maybe this year, it's time to do it again. i never know what we'll do until we wake up that morning, and do it. see the gifts she gave me?

...a week from tomorrow...

it's like a whisper in the back of my mind. i hear it like a drum in my heart. it starts out quiet and becomes louder. the beat of love that only Isabel holds there. the secrets come to me in my sleep again. she is the child of my dreams and i hold that space sacred, a place where she and i share the love that a mother and daughter should. my husband mentions her too, i know his own heart is whispering to him as well. the imprint of time is strong here, it overlaps easily from January to January, folded as if there is no lapse. the link is love. it's always been love. i hear you, baby. i say. i close my eyes.

and i let it come.

inspirations...

i want to be filled with passion. bowled over by inspirations. i want to give, share, love, laugh, soar...
lately, cooking & baking totally inspire me. don't these sound good?

i want to make snickerdoodles & fudge.

i want to make cheddar biscuits and big buttery shrimp.

i want to make homemade ice cream, creamy and fresh topped with hot fudge.

i want to make salmon with wild rice and asparagus drizzled with hollendaise and warm crusty bread & melted butter.

i want to make triple-layered peppermint bark: white, chocolate, white with crunchy candies on top.

i want to make the perfect creme brulee & crack it open with a pretty tea spoon.

i want to make homemade soups & fresh baked bread; and chicken cordon bleu with garlic masheds; and homemade macaroni & cheese with savory meatball subs; and the perfect delectable chocolate fudge cake with buttercream fudgey frosting...

being in the kitchen makes me happy :)
what's inspiring you lately?

goodbye.

“The ones that love us never really leave us. You can always find them in your heart.” -Sirius Black.
❤
“The only time we waste is the time we spend thinking we are alone.” -The Blue Man, The Five People You Meet In Heaven

goodbye..hello, B. i love you. always.

growing wings.

things feel very clear all of a sudden. i am highly in tune. synchs are strong:
kauai trees circle water sun moon stars. love laughter heart connections. change growth wings magical intuition authenticity. dreams flow connection creativity music words uplifting art. harmony co-creation sharing giving. appreciation compassion forgiveness unity knowing understanding.
lovelovelovelovelovelovelovelovelove

love

***
i listen to myself, i know what i feel. it's clear. the clarity rings in everything i do touch taste feel. I FEEL. i listen to that space in my belly. it rings out in purity and light when i don't cloud it over with the fog of thought. when i stay in this little moment of what is.

i know all is well. do you know what peace that brings? its trust in yourself, in your life, its a harmony with everything. calm, clear; no need to be upset. 3rd eye openopenopen. spending time living. enjoying people; noticing, turning, tweaking.

being with my brilliant beautiful girls, watching them carve out their own space. blossoming, becoming. finding their footing, reaching for more. youthful, ripe. they know so much, they feel their lives, they walk their talk. i bask in their light.

being with my gorgeous growing little ones. two beings that are my gift, my link to an angel daughter. the two of them connected to her in a mystical way; i was shown them holding hands on cotton candy pink-vanilla clouds through hazy dreams. Isabel, my link to love and what is illusion and what is real. a gift only she could bring. the four of us connected in an arc of rainbow colors. all three of them showing me so much about life i never saw before, my trio. i used to wish it could be different, but know i know with such clarity that it could not be any other way.

i am so grateful. So Grateful. appreciation floods my veins and pumps through my heart illuminating it in bliss.

the stars fill the sky. the full moon sings through the branches of the trees. under quilts and sparkling blue lights, i wrap myself into the smooth hard warmth of my man, giving myself completely to the rapture we have created. together. all one.

life. anew.
❤ ~

jouette

magical blue moons & sparkly tents

the blue moon on New Year's Eve was amazingly mystical & gorgeous with whisps of fog flowing by it. mesmerizing, captivating, glorious...

and we made a magical tent last night, complete with sparkly lights ~ it's the perfect cozy spot...