snowglobe.

I want to write again. I've been feeling a big stirring inside to write a story, the one that lives inside of me and for some reason keeps peeking its head out and then tucking back in, like a shadow. Why? Why keep letting it hide? Why not write and write and keep writing until something that resembles a novella, a story, an essay -- something, anything meaningful comes out.

I can.

***

Life here feels a little like it's on hold. I tilt my head and listen. For what? I ask. I hear the sound of the rain on the skylight and the tick and hum of the heater. In the distance I hear a crow caw, and that feels the most like my heart right now. Calling out, screeching almost. I don't want to feel restless anymore, I want to feel fulfilled and relaxed. HA! My mind actually laughed at that as I was writing it. Fulfilled and relaxed? it echoes. Oh really? And isn't that what you have been up until now? So then, pray tell, why are you so friggin bored?

I guess it's that time again. Time to shake things up like a snowglobe.

I'm ready.

onelove

He texts me. I answer. Then he calls me, "I wanted to hear your voice," he says simply. This means he is gauging my mood. Or sometimes it means he misses me. The connection between us is alive. Electric. Energy swirling between his body, his vessel, and mine. We didn't create this, it is bigger than we are. It is it's own entity :: love. It is the one thing in this life I can always and forever count on. When we are together, we hug heart to heart and the conduit is opened between us. The flow pours through me to him, and back again. We know how to fill each other up without really knowing at all. When we are apart, we imagine. I close my eyes and my imagination soars. I trust it now, it doesn't often fail me. My visions are my truth.



My life has become swirly and magical. I want to share it with the world.

One love~

i'm ready~

check out my new facebook page Breathings of My Heart ~ my art and snippets from my hand-written blogs are there. i kinda love it.

flying free,
~me ♥

jello time.

it's so intriguing to me how time moves. i think about writing here often, but then i look and it's been a month between posts. i just keep waffling about how i want to write here, how much of myself to lay on the line.



i had a birthday yesterday, it was divine. beginning with a big homemade by my man & offspring with love brunch of eggs benedict, oven roasted pototoes, mini cinnamon rolls, fruit, creamy cafe au lait, and mimosas. the big girls & their respective beaus were all here, so there were ten of us. i love that we've gone from "party of seven" to "party of ten". i love the number 10. it is my initials, after all.



we had an amazing day and then drove to Tacoma to see my brother & sister-in-law, whose birthday is the same day as mine, for their baby boy's first birthday party. Boen is the cutest thing. i dreampt of him before he was born, more than once. he is quiet, but we link eyes & there is a knowing from somewhere beyond this time & space.



today feels slower somehow, like my body is catching up to what is. i'm in jello time, i feel swoony and a little tired. and very blissful. i love my life. this year is going to be amazing.

poetry of the heart

the air changes. the leaves turn.
change is in the air
and i ride it like a wave.
my heart floods with wonder
what next?
i ask the heavens.
in response, there in music
soft music in my ears
that touches my heart.
~more~
it answers.
the time seems to be
in such swift motion lately
and i wonder
is it really moving this quickly
or am i just catching up with it?
♡

falling forever.

How do you look back upon 25 years? How do you tell the story of a life that began with two people, kids really, barely out of teenage years, who joined together because of a force that is stronger than the both of them? How do you get anyone else to feel the innocence and magic of the beginning and the deep richness that was born from that. The pain, the fiery arguments, the looks in each other's eyes, the love. The tearing down and the building up.

The ebb and flow of the day in and day out of a life the two of us built together. We created life, gave birth together, held each other in the deepest grief. We separated and came together again. And here we stand, still holding hands. Knowing that each other is our witness, our rock, our recharging battery. I read once that we can grow so much in life being able to be fully ourselves, witnessed by another human being, and loved anyway. No matter what. That in that breeds some kind of safe feeling, a place to fall and still be held. Being a part of a love that lasts forever, beyond time, is a gift. I hold it in my hands gently. He is my best friend, my lover, my partner, my mate. But really, there are no words for what he is to me. There is no way to convey the story of this life we have lived together. All i can really say is that I am so, so grateful...

In my dreams, he is always there. He is the one I go to sleep with and wake up next to. His kisses are like breathing. And his eyes, the ones that felt like home when I first looked into them still pierce my soul. I fall into them, and I know that nothing will ever change that.

He and I ... it's not perfect. It's not without pain. But the constant is us. And we will continue falling in love forever.

**happy 25th, baby. I love you**

candles of love.

i believe that each of us is a candle shining brightly ♡ we are all love ♡ when our flames touch ♡ we can light another & another & another...

share your love ♥ can you think of a more precious amazing beautiful gift?

i love trees.

i see them from my bedroom window, awaken to a beautiful sea of green each morning. the boughs have formed a heart-shape


the vines reach upward to the sky. they tell me things like trust, freedom, you can reach for more


these 2 trees, side by side, are love. their branches reach out and wrap around each other. they teach me lessons of unconditional love, of faith, of growing together in harmony


trees know how to flow with the weather, they bend with the wind, they don't fight against anything. they teach me patience, and flow. they teach me so much. i love you, sweet trees

remember.

i am swooning in admiration for those who are open, writing from the soul & baring their hearts for all to see.

i want this. i want to be able to share with you all in that way. maybe that's not even true. maybe what i really want is to do this for myself. maybe i want to write for me.

starting from what point, i wonder. where do i begin?

maybe with sharing some things about me - whatever pops into my head, and see where that takes me.....

{blink blink blink goes the curser ... waiting, patiently}

:: i've always loved writing. as a kid i was way more open and imaginative than i am now. ack-i need to change that limiting belief: i am just as open and imaginative now, or more :)

:: my dog is annoying me right now for some reason. she digs in the garbage & i get mad at her, and it's this circle game we play. i like that she loves me no matter what i do, and i think that lesson she gives me every day is a huge one. and i am grateful for seeing it right now.

:: the other night, while my husband was working out, he was sitting on his workout bench, and i stood before him and looked into his soulful beautiful brown eyes, and ran my hands down his outstretched gorgeous arms. i breathed him in, and he pulled me closer and breathed in too. we do this often, it recharges us somehow.

:: thinking about that, and the way we were both present in the moment together makes me fill with love. for everything. i think that is what life is really all about, those moments.

:: those are the moments i want to capture somehow, to write about, to share. i want to find prose for the beauty and the pain and the inbetween of life as we live it. i believe in sharing our stories because it connects us from that invisible string, deep in our bellies, to each other. even though we are all unique and our stories are different, there is this underlying wave of emotion that finds something in this bare truth telling to be a glue that holds us together. it sparks our own baring of the soul, and it sparks a remembering so deep.

remember.

my story is mystery.

my story is mystery~~intertwined. Letting go of any need to control it, little by little... this feels so good, freeing and wrapped in trust, able to flow on the playful wave of the unknown. This used to feel scary to me, now it is becoming the new natural. i love this.

tomorrow I begin a 10 day cleanse, i'm excited for it. Ready. i know it is going to bring up so much inside of me, and I am hoping to be able to share it here. i am hoping that the flood gates i open up inside will be transferable to this page. i vow to at least try … for you and for me, a sort of recorded reflection of my inner and outer changes & discoveries. I feel so light & airy. So open. the journey of delving inside has been so beautiful for me these past few years, and i am so grateful for where i am and for who i am becoming.

Somehow intertwined with everything, one. A beautiful mystery unfolding before my eyes.