i stand here

i stand here on this cliff looking back upon my life.

i see so clearly points of light, little dots connecting one by one by one.

how beautiful they look, twinkling back at me, saying: look...see...feel.

and in this moment, i know. I KNOW. i know i will create an amazing and magical life for myself.  know i will be surrounded by love and joy. i know everything is perfection around me. i know all is well so deep down within my soul, my being, my heart that it is all i can see and feel and radiate. life is glorious. i am so blessed to be here right now, in this time on earth, going through all of these changes. i am so grateful to be awake in this dreamland. 

i am so sure about it all in this moment. it is so clear. the birds chirp happily outside, the flowers blow in the breeze and give off their floral scent mixtures, the sun shines and the clouds float lazily by, the windchimes play a soft melodic tune. how can this not be heaven?

and when i look back at all of those little shining stars that mark times in my life that lead me here, right here to this place of perfection, and how synchronistic they are, how perfectly they link--how can i not be sure that its all going exactly, precisely the way its supposed to? 

let go of the worry, the fear, the control. let go. 

getting itchy.

i am so ready. so ready to create everything for my own life. so ready to stop following everything that has been laid out forever. ready to break out of belief systems. ready to not give a shit about what any one else thinks anymore. i'm ready to break out of all of that & move forward. into darkness, the unknown, fear. i'm ready to stop planning for everything and just freaking BE. live on the wild side. push the limits. i'm ready to pare down. eat food we grow. live simple. my gut is raw and pulling. on fire. i'm so excited for this change. i'm so joyful for the next step. i am so in love with my life and the beautiful people in it. its time to expand those boundries. expand myself. its time to let go of my securities. let go. its time to go.

i am so ready.

conversations at the dinner table

{Posted by jouette on October 10th, 2007 in life}

So last night, we all went out as a family to Azteca for dinner. Bub, in his usual 7 ½ year old way, starts chuckling when Andy said a cuss word (I don’t even know what he said or why, probably dropped his fork or something). It’s then that I realize that lately Bub cracks up whenever someone curses. And I, being the brilliant and good mother that I am, decide to ask him about it.

Me: Son, why do you laugh when you hear a bad word?

Bub: I don’t know, it’s just funny.

Me: What is your favorite curse word?

Bub: (giggling) I like them all.

Me: I know you do, stinker. But why?

Bub: (looking up at me, his big brown eyes sparkling) I don’t know, Mom. It’s just funny. Like when you say the BS word.

Me: What? (Sure he was only talking about his foul-mouthed father) I don’t say the BS word!

Bub: Yeah, you do. When you’re on the phone with daddy.

(now everyone at the table is howling)

Me: I do?

Bub: Yep. All the time. (He touches my arm sweetly).

Me: (coughing) I plead the fifth.

Bub: And when you say the DS word.

Me: The DS word?

Bub: Yeah, when you’re driving. It’s like the BS word, but you change the bull part with dumb.

Me: (thinking he’s probably right with that one, but having no good retort) Huh.

Bub: And (laughing) when you use the D word. You say that one when you’re mad.

Me: D word?

Bub: (whispers) Douchebag.

Pea: (in her typical booming voice) Juice Bag? That’s not a bad word! Mommy’s just thirsty. A lot.

the family (and a few tables surrounding us at this point): laughing their asses off

Me: (looking around desperately for waitress with grande margarita)

Crap. That didn’t quite go as I had imagined…

i am...

i am just a girl...

a dreamer

of harmony and peace

and love

beauty

all around me

and eyes

so clear

that they are able to see

it all

i am just a girl...

who yearns to be

better

to grow every single day

and feel the

vibrant energy

inside of me

i'm just a girl...

but i will crack open

and share

the gloriousness

and beauty

and passion

of this life

♥

wide open.

break open

your heart

bleed

your truth

be as authentic and real

as you possibly can be

face the ugly

its the only way

to overcome it

and truly

its not half as scary

as you fear it may be

embrace the beauty

its the only way

to attract more of it

stop being afraid

of things that are not perfect

around you

things are changing

shifting

birthing anew

there will be pain with the contractions

but that pain is your sign

that amazing brilliance is coming next

sing the song of your soul

your light

will shine

love

love.

no act of love is ever, ever wasted.

♥

i am finding my way
winding my way
thru this life
finally
unafraid
of what comes next
not needing to know
or plan
i just wait
quietly
and listen
with my heart
tune within
and breathe
breathe in
breathe out
feel
its so nice to
finally let my mind rest
to appreciate my now
and forgive my past
and feel compassion & understanding
for what is around me
for i have created it
i wanted it
it is mine
in humility and valor
i shine now
and hold my hands outward
feel the sun upon my face
and let the tears fall
silently
thank you
thank you
thank you
i am love
you are love
together we hold hands
and surround the sun
and shine