pulling me in

"If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you."

The Gnostic Gospel of Thomas

stumbled upon this today. i love it. it's it reminds me of the old saying don't die with your music still inside of you. it's how i feel now. i know i need to write, to create, to get something out of me & reflect it out upon the world somehow. and so i come back to this little spot, and i open myself to what comes.

***

we sit close to each other, shoulders touching, leaning on the other. holding our ipods, we play scrabble together and play on facebook, the internet. it's funny to think about. we have been together for so long now. when we met, we had no clue about personal computers or the internet. now it is just natural. i love how we have flowed through time together. still one. the ease that we have with each other reflects that. comfortable. i love it.

it's all paradox, this life. we grow and change so profoundly over the years. yet in that, there's a stability and a harmony. we go through immense beauty and horrific pain, and we feel like things will break apart, but somehow we remain together. it's calming to be able to look back and know that our lives intertwine, that we have bared witness to such a span of transformation, of life. i am grateful.

do you want to go salsa dancing tonight, babe? i ask him.

whatever you want. he replies easily.

i lean in a little. i am already on his shoulder, so i just reach my chin up to his face, looking for his lips with mine. saltwater, the ocean. all of time. i taste him, feel him with my tongue. he responds. it's always new, funnily enough. on the screen of my closed eyes, i see colors. swirling green and blue and purple. my heart races a little. i love the trust we have with each other. complete. i can give myself over to him easily. he does the same. we open our eyes again, and smile.

what do you want to do? i say.

bask in your presence. he responds, looking at me, full in the eyes, pulling me in to the place i know as home.